


Beyond Birthday

by Twyd



Category: Death Note & Related Fandoms
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Character Death, Developing Relationship, Fix-It, Friendship/Love, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Jealousy, Love Triangles, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Rape/Non-con Elements, Slash, Unrequited Love, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-04
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-06 09:38:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,504
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6748576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twyd/pseuds/Twyd
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How Beyond comes to have his name written in the death note. </p><p>Or, how L decides to fight fire with fire, or criminals and shinigami eyes with criminals and shinigami eyes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Glass

"L. Lawliet." The man leaning against the wall is in shadow, but there is only one person, save for Watari and Misa II, who could know his name.

"Beyond," he says uneasily. It is unnerving hearing his own name anywhere, let alone from the horror mirror of himself. The other man steps forward and bows mockingly. He is in the same clothes as L, has the same hair, the same eye circles, and his scars are not as awful as L remembers.

"You look well."

"Thanks to you." His smile is not at all friendly. "I know prisons don't pay for all that expensive surgery."

He steps forward, and L takes a step back out of instinct. His phone is in his pocket. The HQ is nearby. He knows he can save himself. Still, he is cursing himself for being so stupid, coming here alone.

Without warning, B pushes him through the window and falls after him. His weight crushes him into shards of glass and mud and his own blood, as he lies there stunned. They are about equal in strength and ability, but B's mania gives him an advantage. L tries crawling backwards out from underneath him, cutting his hands and elbows, only Beyond hauls him back by the ankles like some kind of demon.

When L is close enough, B he drags him between his knees by his shirt and is on him again, kissing him as he pushes him back down. L squirms beneath him, breathing in sharply as the glass digs into his back. He tastes blood in their mouths, has no idea whose it is.

"This is how you thank me for all that expensive surgery?" he winces, when Beyond finally pulls back.

"No L, this is how I thank you for for sending Misora instead of facing me yourself. This is for never coming to see me. This is for A. This is for loving Wammy more than me, even though you're nothing to him!"

Beyond shakes him as he says it. He only stops once L is still, grinning down at him lazily, eyes narrowed, like nothing has happened. He props his elbows on L's chest and rests his chin on his hands, taut enough and strong enough to keep him pinned.

"What do you want?" L's getting dizzy. His own voice sounds far away.

B digs his nails in L's shoulders like an animal, draws more blood, and licks it away.

"This is what I want," he says, like it's obvious. "This is all I ever wanted, L." He licks up more blood. "Lawliet." L can feel how hard he is through his jeans. "Have you done this before, Lawli? Is this how you stop your criminals?" He trails a bloody hand down L's chest. It comes to a stop over L's groin and squeezes gently. "Is this why your record is so good?"

"B," he swallows, trying to ignore the hand. "B. Stop it."

"Hmm." B keeps playing with L's fly, like he's not listening.

"B, please."

"Beyond," he corrects. "I always hated those fucking initials they gave us."

L says nothing.

"He was just using you, you know. Your entire childhood. He raised us all as fucking tools, not children. Even you. Especially you, maybe."

"But that was a long time ago."

"Yeah. And you haven't exactly got a holiday home and wife and kids and two dogs, have you?" he sneers. "We're all fucked up. I'm the shining example, maybe, but we are all so fucked up. A was just the start of it."

L flinches and has to look away.

He sees Beyond's hand come towards him but it only cups his cheek, thumbing it gently. "I wasn't getting at you, Lawli. I know A wasn't really your fault."

B draws his hand away. Then without warning he rakes L's shirt up and kisses him again, pressing his now bare back into the glass. L tries not to struggle, knowing it will make things worse, struggles anyway.

Things go fuzzy for a while, and when he comes to, Beyond is sitting up and licking one of L's hands like a cat. He is holding L's bloody fingers delicately between his own, as if he will break them, one by one, just to hear the sound they make.

"Did you ever know who your parents were?" Beyond murmurs, their blood mixing. "We're so alike. Perhaps we are related." He looks down at L thoughtfully. "I'm going to fuck you now."

L takes the news without much surprise.

"You're very quiet," Beyond says between kisses and licks. "It's almost as if you want this."

"I do not," he says through clenched teeth. "Do not kid yourself, Beyond."

"Mm," he says. "Perhaps you deserve it, though."

He hums approval in L's ear as he gets him off, like he wasn't a whimpering, sobbing mess himself moments ago, as if _he_ were the one to be bent over and fucked on a floor of glass and mud.

"My little masochist," he murmurs. "I didn't know you had it in you."

He turns L over gently when he is done.

L lets him, not caring. He is almost unconscious with the pain.

"No-one's done this to you before." He looks pleased.

L reaches up blindly, ends up doing nothing more than smudging the black eye liner with his thumb. B leans into the touch like a pet.

"Why do you dress like me?"

"You know why."

"But you don't need to. You, A, all of you. You're good enough."

"Why don't you tell that to your precious Watari?" he says, the edge back in his voice.

L sighs, lets his hand fall away.

"Are you working on the Kira case?"

"Yes." There was no point in lying.

"How's it going?"

"Fine."

B smirks at the evasive response. "Maybe I can help. With my eyes, I can- "

"I know who Kira is," L says impatiently, mind back on the case despite everything. "I've known for a long time."

"I see," B says. "Well, I have every faith in you."

L stares at him. It takes a while to sink in that Beyond is not going to kill him.

The other man gets to his feet. He stands over L for a moment, flanking his hips, then steps back and offers L his bloody hand, which L doesn't take.

"Fine," he says, retracting it. He backs towards the door. "Give me a head start, yeah? For old time's sake. And come find me yourself when it's over, Lawli. No pawns this time."

He leaves L lying there with his pants down and glass sticking out of him. After a moment, it dawns on L what has happened to him, and he wants to take fistfuls of glass and throw them.

He takes out his phone with his better functioning hand, finds it cracked and not responding. He lets it drop and closes his eyes instead. He needs to think.


	2. Cookies

Back at the HQ, he is hoping to make it to the showers before anyone sees him, but they all see, and by the looks on their faces, he looks as horrific as he feels.

"What happened?" Chief Yagami takes his bloody arm.

"Nothing," L says, rather stupidly. They are kind. They bring him a glass of water. They keep talking about the hospital. "Shower," he finds himself mumbling. He is convinced they can all smell him. "I need to shower right now."

"You're in shock," Soichiro tells him gently.

"No, I'm fine, I'm fine," he keeps saying it and saying it, again stupidly, as he's still bleeding and shaking and so clearly not fine.

Light has been very quiet. He watches L with wide, frightened eyes, like he wants to say or do something, and then only staring and saying nothing. L ignores him. He can only deal with one serial killer at a time.

There is glass everywhere, in his skin, in his hair, between his toes, and now in the plug hole of the shower. The water makes him wince.

He is crouched on a drenched towel afterwards, in his underwear, pulling the larger shards of glass out of his skin when Light comes in. They really need to fix that lock.

"What are you doing?" The teen's voice is shaking. "You're being ridiculous." 

L takes no notice.

"You're going to hurt yourself doing that. Just go to hospital."

He winces, trying to pull out a shard that will just not budge.

"L."

"It's _Ryuzaki_ ," he snaps. He does not want to hear his name.

"I'll come with you."

"I don't want you."

"Well, you don't trust me, do you? You can keep an eye on me if I'm with you."

L looks down at the red towel that was once white. He has almost passed out twice now.

"Are you sure you don't want us to call Watari?"

He nods. Watari is not ready for this, and he is not ready for Watari.

L would almost like Light's father to take him to hospital, to be looked after, but he quickly dismisses the thought. Soichiro needs to be here.

He agrees for Light to take him to the nearest A and E.

* * *

 "I know what happened."

L looks at Light warily. It is the first time they have been alone since the hospital.

"I've been thinking about it. You insisted on showering before going to the hospital, even though you were in so much pain. I know what that means."

L continues to type on his computer. "Light-kun is finding more and more opportunities to practice his detective skills."

"I wasn't going to say anything, but I felt sick thinking about it."

"My heart bleeds for you."

"How did it even happen? Who knows where you are?"

"That's what I've been wondering myself," L says. "As there are very few people in this world who know my location as L. Very few," he looks at Light pointedly. Then he gets up and steps round him politely to get to the door. "Excuse me."

He is unprepared for when Light throws him against the wall, and his eyes smart as the wounds on his back reopen. "How could you," he says. "Think I had something to do with this? How could you even think that of me?"

"You're right," L says, to get Light off him more than anything else. "I apologise, Light-kun. I'm upset. I've not been thinking straight. Please let go."

Light has the decency to loosen his hold, but he doesn't let go. "Did you listen to what I said?"

"I listened," he says. "You're hurting me."

Light lets go. "Sorry," he says, as L winces and rubs his head. His heart is banging from having someone so violently close to him again. In normal circumstances, he could have thrown Light off him without even thinking about it. He sits down so Light can't see how shaken he is.

"Are you all right?"

"Yes." He draws up his knees.

"Are you going to bed soon? You look exhausted."

"I was going," he says impatiently. "To work in my room. But I would prefer to work here, if Light-kun could please refrain from talking."

"OK, OK," Light sighs in defeat and goes back to his own desk. "Just...let me know if I can do anything, OK?"

L opens his laptop again. "If you get up before me, please bring me some sugar."

"Ok." He pauses. "Er, when you say some sugar...? "

"Anything," L cuts him off. He begins to type morosely. "Any sugar."

Light is a long time bringing him his sugar. Over an hour, in fact. L supposes he should be checking on him, or that perhaps Light is punishing him, so he is completely surprised when Light returns with a tray of hot, delicious smelling cookies. Kira is baking him cookies. He very nearly laughs.

"Peace offering," Light explains, setting the tray down. "And no, I haven't poisoned them." He takes a bite out of one to prove his point.

L stares at him. "You baked me cookies."

"Yes," Light says contentedly. "And I know my probability as Kira must be skyrocketing right now. But, like I said, they're not poisoned. Though it's my first shot at baking, so who knows." He shrugs. "Tastes fine."

L picks a cookie and takes a cautious bite. "Light-kun," he says, very seriously. "Has missed his true calling in life."

Light laughs, his real laugh, not the one he puts on. "They're not bad," he allows. "Listen, I know you don't trust me," he says then, and L's warmth evaporates like it had never been there in the first place. "But I'm going to help you find who did this. I mean it."

L doesn't look at him. The cookie has turned to acid in his mouth, and he has to force himself to swallow.

* * *

 He works on as steadily as ever. Having such a gruelling case is actually soothing. It leaves his brain no time for his own problems. The team send worried glances his way, but keep their distance. L keeps Watari working on things away from the HQ. He doesn't want to face him, not yet.

Light still hovers around him looking like he wants to say something but never does. He spends less time with Misa, even though L is fairly confident she's the one carrying out his orders.

L checks each page of each death note. Sure enough, Beyond Birthday's name is not there. It could have been torn out, but it isn't likely.

What's likely is that Beyond exploited the case, the mania, to fake his own death. If anyone could figure out how to achieve that in a top security prison in LA, it was Beyond. And if he could achieve that, getting a fake passport and plane ticket to Japan would be child's play.

But what now? L hasn't heard anything of Beyond since. He hopes he will hold off until this is over. He can't cope with the two of them. He has hardly even left the HQ since it happened. He had a moment in the supermarket where he swears he saw Beyond, more or less ran back to the HQ, and he will not be making that mistake again. How embarrassing.

He finally calls a brief meeting to put an end to the looks he's getting.

"This development is unrelated to the Kira case, but I have to take precautions." He nibbles his thumb. "It's about the serial killer Beyond Birthday, who died of a heart attack at Kira's hands several months ago. Except he didn't. He used the case and the panic to fake his death. His name is not in either of the death notes, and he was last seen in Japan several days ago. His face is burned and, but he is quite experienced at covering the scars with make up, so you can only tell close up."

They are all staring at him.

"I have a very good team working on his arrest. I just wanted to make you aware of the situation, as regrettably, there is an intelligent man that looks exactly like me strolling about Japan. So please be mindful. Oh, and please don't mention this to Light." And with that he gets up and goes back to work, not bothering to dismiss them.

He deliberately hadn't let Light in on this meeting. Despite everything, he doesn't want Beyond killed.

* * *

 "You're not telling me something."

L sighs, but does not stop working. He is getting tired of this. "Will Light-kun please not concern himself about this. It is a waste of his intellectual resources that should be utilised for the case."

"Why hasn't anything been in the papers?" Light persists. "If this person is on the loose out there?"

"Because I would not like to draw Kira's attention to him," he says. "I would like him to be brought to justice." He watches Light very carefully as he speaks. The teen doesn't flinch.

"I thought it would be more important to protect the public."

"Allowing media hype will protect them no more than sending a trained team to close in on him."

Light sighs. "It just makes me sick," he says quietly.

L shrugs. "Worse things have happened."

"I worry about you when you say things like that."

L types on. "Light-kun is quite possibly the sweetest suspect I have ever worked with."

He snorts. "That's the nicest thing you've said to me."

"I've said plenty of nice things to you."

"Such as?"

He has to think about it. "I said you were my friend. I said you were very intelligent. I said you could have a piece of cake."

Light laughs at him.

L is still smiling when his phone goes. It fades when he reads what it says.

_Call your men off. I just almost killed one of them._


	3. Chacha

  _Call your men off. I almost killed one of them._

 

He stares at his phone for some time before replying. There is no need for him to be afraid, not here.

_You knew this was coming. You're supposed to be in prison._

_I'm supposed to be dead. Call them off. Last warning._

L doesn't call them off, but he tells them to be more careful. He doesn't hear from Beyond again that night, and none of them die.

* * *

 The next morning, Beyond texts him an address, quickly followed by, _Come alone, obviously._

L doesn't even bother replying. As if he is meeting this man anywhere. He doesn't repeat his mistakes.

He is about to forward the address to the team on Beyond's arrest, when he is interrupted by another message.

_I mean it, Lawli. I know Yagami is Kira. How would you feel if I approached him and struck up a little alliance?_

L feels sick. He doesn't dare look at Light, who is typing oblivious at his side.

_Get here right now._

"I have to go."

Light gives a start, looks up in confusion."What?"

L stumbles to his feet, avoiding Light's eyes. "I just…have to go. I'll be back soon."

"Go where? L?"

* * *

 

The daylight folds his forehead in a wince, like he's been living indoors, which of course he has. Now he is away from Light, he finds he can think a little better. Panic made him hasty. He gets another text before he can consider his options.

_I'm willing to be cooperative if you are. You can tell Watari or someone where you're going, when you'll be back, so long as you can guarantee I'm not arrested. Because I will fight back._

This is ludicrous to him, and he feels a stab of anger at the words. _You are going to be arrested, Beyond. Get over yourself._

_I just want to fucking talk to you. It's important. It'll help with the Kira case. You can keep your fucking phone or a knife in your hand the entire time._

He doesn't know why he gives in. Instinct. His instinct is always right. He texts the address to Watari just in case. Beyond has given up his location. He is trusting L to not send the dogs. L has no reason to trust him in return. So why is he doing this?

He takes one of Watari's seldom used cars, a less conspicuous BMW. He has always quite liked driving, though he never really has the time for it, or the concentration for long spurts. Driving, L can almost pretend he's normal. He'd normally open the window and play something, anything, on the radio, but now he wants to keep his tension. He wants to be ready.

The house is typical of the suburbs, large, old-ish, fairly pretty with the cherry blossom tree just over the porch, flecking it with petals. There is a solid _SOLD_ sign in the ground.

He parks on the empty driveway. He has to take a few breaths to steady himself. His brain keeps jumping between who is more dangerous, who he is more afraid of, and has been telling himself resolutely that it is _Light_ , Light is the biggest threat to himself and the world. But now, moments from facing the other man, that is hard for L to believe.

"L." Beyond is barefoot, in jeans and a dark sweater. His hair is still the same length as L's, but neater. He smiles a little as L stares. "Don't be scared." He steps aside to let him in the hall. It smells fresh, new, like the wood has been varnished. L doesn't turn his back to Beyond as he closes the door, and leads him in. He is half expecting to find a family bound or dead.

Instead, in the partly furnished living room, a fluffy white puppy is lying on its back, chewing the corner of the rug. It jumps up when it sees L and runs over to him.

L stares at the puppy trying to climb his legs, then at Beyond, and Beyond rolls his eyes.

"I'm not going to hurt the puppy."

Beyond gets down on his knees and starts playing with it. L continues to stare. He looks around warily, in case this is a distraction. From what he can see, there is, nothing, no-one. A few boxes stacked against the wall, creamy white sofa, coffee table, TV, dog toys.

"They didn't have any fluffy white cats," Beyond jokes, and L looks down at them.

Slowly, he eases into a crouch, a safe distance away from Beyond, and the puppy runs to him. After a moment's hesitation, he pets it.

"You look better," Beyond begins, and suddenly L begins to laugh.

Kira is baking him cookies, and Beyond Birthday has a puppy. These are the people who will break him.

"L?"

The puppy is trying to lick his face, and he realises he is about to cry instead. He ducks his head so Beyond won't see, and the puppy begins to chew on his hair.

"Oi." L stiffens as Beyond reaches out, but he only extracts the puppy gently. The puppy squirms in his arms and tries to lick his nose. Then he rolls his eyes as he sees L's face.

"What part of, 'I'm not going to hurt the puppy,' do you not understand?"

L doesn't answer. He is trying to figure out why he's here. He reaches out to tickle the pup's tummy. "When does he die?"

"15 years, 3 months, 2 weeks, 1 day, half an hour." Beyond kisses its head. "I reckon he's about 12 weeks old."

"What are you doing with him?"

"I found him. He's an orphan too, I think. I've had posters up everywhere, called all the pounds and vets, but no-one's missing a fluffy white pup. Maybe it was a litter taken to be drowned, or something, and he got away."

L looks away.

"So I had him vaccinated, and he's house trained now. He's a smart boy." He hesitates. "You can borrow him, if you want. For stress relief."

L looks back at him, incredulous. "That's why you brought me here?"

"No." He puts the puppy down. It flops onto its stomach and begins to lick his hand. "I've been rethinking my career as your back-up."

Just at the name, L feels sick.

"And I was thinking I could maybe be your eyes."

He waits for him to explain.

"I was kidding, but I've thought about it now and I mean it. Kira has an extra pair of eyes, right? So you need one too."

"You were threatening to join forces with Kira an hour ago."

"That was to get you here," Beyond says, patiently, like L has chosen to be slow today. He doesn't quite look L in the eyes. "I'm sorry for what I did."

L snorts. He doesn't believe it for a second. "Can I pick him up?" L gestures to the puppy. He doesn't know when he'll have the chance to hold one again.

"Sure."

He gets his hands around the pup's belly and picks him up, buries his face in his fur, still keeping an eye on Beyond. He smells clean, like feathers.

"You know, I've only ever killed people who were going to die anyway," Beyond tells him. L doesn't bother disputing the logic of this. "And I always drugged them before I hurt them."

"Except me," he says, voice flat, slightly muffled by fur.

"Except you." He pauses. "You never came to see me. You or Wammy. I know you paid for the surgery and the therapists, but you didn't even call. Not even a God damn Christmas card. Then when I got out…I knew no-one would ever look at me or touch me again. I… made a mistake."

L holds out the puppy to look at him, still keeping Beyond in his sight, and it wriggles and tries to lick his face. He refuses to be taken in by this, even though he can tell Beyond is not lying.

"I'm sorry, Lawli."

He doesn't react.

"Let me help you catch Kira."

"I don't need your help." L draws the pup near again. "I don't need your eyes. I already knew Yagami was Kira. And I know who the second Kira is."

"I can still help."

"You're going to be arrested, Beyond." His voice turns flat, cold. "The only reason you haven't been is because I have chosen to prioritise the Kira case. All of your crimes still stand."

"All of them?" he repeats. "Then why didn't you tell them what I did to you?"

L's grip tightens on the puppy, and it starts to bark. He has to put it down. Beyond distracts it with a little ball.

"I know you haven't. I know you blame yourself for what happened with A, and maybe with me. But I shouldn't have said that to you. It's not your fault."

"You could have had that realisation sooner," L snaps, and Beyond lowers his head. "It doesn't matter, anyway. I'm not letting you near this case out of some twisted sense of guilt, or your need to redeem yourself."

"You'll have to take him in, then, when I'm arrested." He nods at the puppy, bouncing the ball.

"Are you taking this seriously?"

"Are you?" He rolls L the ball. "It's just another day for you, isn't it?"

L rolls the ball back, says nothing.

"There's something else, too."

L looks at him steadily, bracing himself.

"Wammy is going to die next week."

He feels as if Beyond has punched him. All the air leaves his stomach. He squeezes the ball in his fist.

"How can I believe you," he spits. The puppy whines and nudges his hand, urging him to keep playing.

Beyond shrugs. "That's up to you."

"And even if I did," He is hard. "Are you implying he can be saved? Is that how it works?"

"I've no idea," Beyond admits. "I've experimented with saving people. I've seen people's numbers change, but it's be impossible to point to the cause and effect. But if you can pinpoint the cause of death, I think you can change it. Do you know how Kira operates?"

"Yes." L sits there, staring into space. That is the frustrating part. They have the murder weapons, they have suspects. It is right under their noses.

He tests it in the back of his mind, how much help Beyond could be. A lot, potentially. Not necessary, but it would certainly speed things up, potentially save lives. He strokes the dog's head. "What's his name?"

"Chacha."

"A girl's name?"

He shrugs. "He's a dog, he's not going to care. Chacha was my favourite manga character."

L absorbs this without comment. "Where are we?"

"This was my parents' house."

L looks at him to see if he is lying.

"It's been for sale since I was announced dead. I was supposed to get it when I turned 18."

"And now?"

"And now I made the estate agent an offer she couldn't refuse. Which isn't fair, seeing as it's technically my house, but with me being legally dead and all…"

"I don't believe you," L says. "Where's your money coming from, Beyond? Or are you buying your way with death and fear?"

"Money," he says simply. "Don't worry about where it's coming from. No-one's been hurt other than you."

L doesn't push it. It's not like it matters. Beyond won't be free for much longer.

"I was planning on just messing with you until I was arrested again or killed. But, you're so wrapped up from the world, it's hard. I did a lot of thinking. I came to see this house. And I realised, faking my death and all…I didn't have to do the same stupid shit over again. I don't want to be you anymore."

L is unimpressed. "So then why did you give yourself up, if you've got it all worked out?"

"Give myself up?"

"To me."

"I want to help you. I've been trying to observe from a distance, but obviously there's only so much I can do."

"There's only so much you could do on the inside, too."

"I could talk to his Shinigami." L looks at him, and he smiles. "Good, I knew you would have figured that much out. I can also mess with him a little, or even pretend I'm on his side, however you want to play it."

"He's very smart," L finds himself saying. "Kira. He'd be at Wammy's if he were an orphan."

"All the more reason for you to let me help. And he's not that smart," B says with contempt. "There's only one L."

"Beyond," he says in acid tones. "You can't just get a house and puppy and tell me you want to help and think that makes it OK." He speaks a little louder than he means to. The puppy whimpers and runs to Beyond instead.

"I know that," he says.

Their eyes fall to the puppy. Beyond rolls the ball to him, and L rolls it back. He is beginning to get a migraine.

"You could just think about it," Beyond suggests.

"You could just help from your prison cell," L growls. "That will kill two birds for me."

"That wouldn't be as much use to you."

L doesn't respond.

"Just think about it. Talk to Wammy, if you want. I won't do anything while I'm waiting."


	4. Watari

Apart from the glass incident, as he thinks of it in his head, L tells Watari everything. He keeps that from him because he knows, whatever the overall consequences, Watari will not let Beyond near him if he knows the truth. He does not want his oldest ally's judgement clouded. Instead, he tells Watari that Beyond simply approached him with the idea. If only he had.

“What do _you_ think, L?” Watari asks him, as he always does, grave and unflinching, after chiding him for meeting the other man alone. “He could be lying.”

“He could be,” L agrees. “My hunch says he isn’t.”

“I am getting old,” Watari says it with a gentle smile, and L has to turn away.

“You’re healthy,” he insists. “Go to the doctors if you want, just in case, but we both know you’re healthy and that Kira is going to strike. You were joking the other month about outliving the queen.” His voice has started to shake.

“I know, dear, but any of us can go at any time.” Watari pauses. “He didn’t mention your death?”

“No. Presumeably it's not close enough to worry about.”

“Then you are thinking he’s worth the risk?”

“If there’s a chance he can see or do something to save you- “

“No.” The old man holds up a hand. “If we are bringing in Beyond, it’s for the case, with a plan. Not for me, L.”

L lowers his head in acknowledgement, even as his eyes sting.

“There is no doubt he could help, and that that will save lives more quickly than if you were working alone,” Watari observes, a little more gently.

“I'd still be working alone," he mutters.  "I thought of installing him in the HQ, effectively keeping them both under lock and key, but it’s too risky.” _And I don’t have it in me to cope with the two of them._ “If we were to bring him in, it would be in the guise of a specialist, to attack Light when he’s not expecting it. Then we get him out again. We can plan our next move from there. We use Beyond without giving him the opportunity to do any harm, whatever his intentions are.”

“It sounds to me like you’ve already made up your mind.”

He turns to Watari. “You know him better than I do. What do you think?”

“I’m not sure I do,” Watari says. “But I would like to see for myself how he’s doing.”

* * *

 “How good are you with make-up?” L asks Beyond, with no preamble, when he's back at his front door.

Beyond grins, and holds the door open for him. “Good enough to cover the scars. It takes a while with the basic make up, but- “

“That’s fine, we'll give you proper make-up. What’s going to happen is, you’ll be introduced as a specialist working on the case, with your eyes. Use whatever alias you want, just not Rue Ryuzaki, as I’m using that.”

“You’re using my alias?”

“Wammy is Watari," he continues, ignoring him. He talks when he is nervous. "Don’t give away yourself as Beyond Birthday, whatever you do. You don’t have to dye your hair or anything, just don’t give him any ideas that we have a history, unless it’s strategic and you’ve discussed it with me first. I’m going to tell the rest of the team who you really are and what’s happening, so you’ll be under constant guard when you're there. This house is under surveillance, too, just so you know, so don’t ever try anything. Did you read the notes I emailed you?”

The puppy has come running at the sound of his voice, and L focuses on him, catching him as he jumps up at his legs and pulling him into his arms. 

“Yes, I did, but – what’s the aim here? Am I winning Yagami’s trust, antagonising him, or what?”

“Winning his trust would be great,” L says. “But I don’t think Light will fall for it, even if you mean what you’re saying. He also knows what happened and doesn't think much of you for it. Which is why it's particularly important to not let your identity slip, especially if you're going to try and get him to trust you." He sits on the sofa and lets the puppy wag his tail in his lap, trying to climb up his chest.

"You told him?"

"He figured it out. I didn't have it in me at the time to throw him off." He nuzzles the puppy to avoid Beyond's eyes. "Anyway, I think the first step is to introduce you to the team, have you work there for the day and see how it goes. Then we can decide how to proceed from there. Your input will of course be important, as your perception will tell us how you think you can best get to Light, if you can.”

Beyond nods, taking it in. “So, I'm being introduced as your colleague?”

“Exactly. Unless we decide to go down the route of you winning Light’s trust, tell him everything and that you want me dead. Which naturally is probably your plan anyway. Oh, and by the way,” he adds, as Beyond opens his mouth to argue. “Watari would like to see you. He’ll be here in about half an hour.”

Beyond turns pale. “What, here?”

“Is there a problem with that? You can tell him how much you hate him.” He is braver now, knowing surveillance is just outside the door.

Beyond ignores this, looking panicked. “Have you told him?”

“Everything but you…” he tries to think of how else to say it.

Beyond nods so he won’t have to. “Maybe you should have,” he says. “He might be kind to me.”

“He will most certainly be kind to you.”

Beyond shakes his head. He goes to the kitchen to make them tea.

L calms a little, knowing Watari will be here soon. He plays with the puppy as he fills Beyond in on the case, elaborating on his email. It is a relief, despite everything, to be able to talk to someone as sharp as himself. He has Light, of course, but he has to be careful with Light on a whole different level.

When the doorbell finally rings, Beyond turns to L with such desperation, such pleading eyes, that L gets up and answers the door himself.

Watari follows him into the hall, ignoring the dog, and looks at Beyond the way he had looked at his mugshot in the paper. Then he hugs him.

L disappears into the kitchen to make more tea. He shuts the door to block out Beyond’s sobs. Alone, he raids the fridge and cupboards in curiosity – he is rarely left unsupervised in people’s homes – and finds of course jam, several other treats, but also vegetables, cooking oil, staple groceries, a Japanese and Western mix. Beyond apparently is trying the whole being normal thing.

L quite wants to steal a spoonful of jam, but Beyond may have had his tongue in it for all he knows. This whole thing could be an act for all he knows.

When he returns, with tea for Wammy and the pot to refresh his and Beyond’s cups, they are still murmuring on the sofa. Beyond’s eyes are red.

Watari thanks L and takes his tea, and L takes his own to a neighbouring chair. It suddenly feels very English.

Watari asks Beyond how is his living. He explains how one of the sharks in prison knew his parents, how he helped Beyond with his escape, with loans.

This is so stupid that L almost regrets getting him involved. He tells him so. “Why didn’t you take a normal flat instead of a house, then? Just how much did you borrow? And how do you plan on keeping yourself, let alone a dog?”

“There are plenty of ways to earn,” B snaps. “I’ve been working as a translator online. Languages were the most useful thing we learned at Wammy’s. It’s so easy, it pays well, and they can’t give me enough work. And obviously I’ll find more things to do, in time.”

“We’ll pay you,” Watari speaks, before L can respond. “And we’ll pay off that debt. That’s the last thing you want. Everything else we can discuss after the case.”

Beyond shifts uncomfortably. “I don- “

“I’m not _not_ paying you Beyond, however noble your intentions are.” L says quickly, knowing Beyond is burning with what Watari hasn’t been told. “Even Light’s been offered a salary.”

“ _Kira_? But he won’t take it?”

L’s eyes narrow. “Your circumstances are very different. I’d advise you against doing yet another incredibly stupid thing.”

“He’s right, B,” Watari says gently, breaking their gaze. “There’s no point in bickering. There are far more important things to discuss.”

Beyond sighs, and L knows that will be the end of it.

They sip their tea and make a plan.


	5. "Alex Misora"

L takes Beyond into the HQ half-convinced that he will bare his teeth at all of them, announce, “I’m the back-up!” and reveal L's real name at once, effectively killing them both. He has had nightmares about this and worse.

But Beyond stays in character, introduces himself calmly as discussed. They settled on Alex Misora as his alias, as it fit Beyond's Anglo-Japanese roots, and in memory of both A and Naomi. Neither of them miss Light's almost undetectable flinch at the surname.

The others have been prepared for this, so it is an introduction for Light alone. L doesn't miss the hard look in their eyes as they look at Beyond.

“I thought I would fight fire with fire,” L explains, letting his gaze linger on Light as he says it. Criminals and Shinigami eyes with criminals and Shinigami eyes. Light’s own eyes narrow almost imperceptibly.

He is not pleased with this development. He is civil to Beyond, but L can see him looking between them, trying to fit their relationship.

L hopes Beyond and himself aren't somehow unconsciously indicating their history. He has warned Beyond not to touch him in case he flinches, but knows he is still tense around him anyway, even with them all there, in the relative safety of the HQ. He’s sure Light picks up on the strain. He just hopes they can use it to their advantage.

Beyond is frowning over the last rules of the death note now, picking it up to read it better.

A few of the others breathe in, thinking of who he really is, but L doesn’t flinch. He sneaks a glance at Light, who is also watching Beyond with forced wide eyes, jaw tense.

“L’s right. These rules are fake,” Beyond announces.

There is a little cry all round.

Beyond holds up the book to point out the rules he’s referring to. “There’s no harm in burning the death notes. No-one will die. The only consequence is that the owner will lose their memories, so it will be substantially harder to prove their guilt. But it will stop the problem. Kira and Kira 2 will run out of scrap pages eventually.”

The team begin to speak almost at once.

“Then we should burn it!”

“What? And let whoever did it get on with their lives? Are you crazy?”

“And how many more people are going to die if we keep it?”

"The killers will never be brought to justice if we just burn them. We'd be effectively freeing them!"

“Enough,” Soichiro snaps.

“Thank you, Alex,” L says, and Beyond puts the note down.

“ _Sorry_ ,” Light says then, and they all look at him. His eyes are cold. “But why should we believe you? Isn’t it a big risk to go on the word of one person?”

Beyond's eyes narrow and bore into his. “And what reason would I have to lie? I was hired for my eyes. I can see these rules are not authentic.”

They stare each other out.

* * *

 “At least you know for sure he’s Kira now,” Beyond tells him, in private. "He's not going to die any time soon, by the way. Neither are you."

They are at the coffee shop Light brought him to after their tennis match. L has gone for lunch with Beyond to keep up the pretence that Beyond is his colleague slash friend, and that he is not shit-scared of him.

Light had been eying Beyond like a snake all day, like he smells something’s up, although Beyond has been perfectly civil. This irks L, because he really thought the trust angle would be the way to play it. He wants to diminish Light’s suspicion as much as he’s able.

It's more crowded than when Light took him, and their feet would be practically touching if L didn't have his curled around his seat.

“Relax,” Beyond says, eying him. He helps himself to a handful of sugar cubes, offers L one. L thinks, not for the first time, how nice it would be to be around someone who shares his odd habits, if Beyond hadn't done what he did. But he mustn't think like that. Beyond may just be playing him.  “I know you’re not losing your touch," he goes on, oblivious. "It’s just good to be 100% about these things. You do like him, after all.”

“Shut up.”

“It’s OK. I think he likes you, too. That’s what makes it interesting.”

“He despises me.”

“Reading people has never been your strong point, Lawli.”

“I _can_ read him. We’re similar enough.” He drains his coffee and starts stacking the remaining sugar cubes.

“It’s OK,” Beyond says, as if sensing his distress. “It went well. You saw his face when I pointed out the fake rules.”

L mumbles something. He doesn’t want to admit he’s tense from being around both of them at the same time, the double threat of it. It’s wearing him out even more than he anticipated. He doesn’t even know what he’s afraid of most anymore.

“He’s such a spoilt brat, he’s bound to get too cocky and slip up soon, do something stupid.”

A pair of hands slam onto their table then, making them both jump. The cubes tumble, and one of their cups smash on the floor.

 “I don’t know what he said to you,” Light jerks his head at Beyond without taking his eyes off L. They are blazing, oblivious to the stares he’s getting. “But I. Am not. Kira.”

“Yes, you are,” Beyond counters at once, and Light turns to glare at him. “I am 100% sure that you are.”

“Oh, really,” Light says with contempt, getting off the table as the staff start making their way over. “Would you like to tell us how? It must be very useful to be _100% sure_ of whether someone has done something or not.”

“OK,” L says quickly, seeing Beyond is about to laugh in his face. He stands and gets between them. “Why don’t we just get out of here and calm down? Alex, can you please, um, pay for the damages?” He drops his wallet in Beyond's lap and tugs Light outside.

“You should tell your new friend to be more careful, _Lawli_ ,” Light spits, shaking him off, and L’s heart sinks. “And I hope you realise this means I’m not Kira when you don’t die in your bed tonight.”

L jerks him back then when he turns to go. Light’s eyes widen when he can’t free himself, as L lets him realise that they aren’t quite equal in strength; L is just that little bit sharper, that little bit faster, especially when he’s mad.

 “What’s my full name, then? And how do you spell it, for that matter?”

Light glares, stays silent.

“Exactly.” L lets him go.

“If I was Kira,” he calls over his shoulder, not caring about the stares he’s getting. “That guy would be dead.”

“No need,” L calls after him.

For using his real name like that, L has half a mind to kill Beyond himself.

* * *

 He sends Beyond home and calls Watari to update him on the developments. He doesn’t get far when he senses something is off.

Watari calls him by his real name, and something inside L goes very still.

“I’ve been to the doctors.”

The thing inside him begins to tremble, because no, this cannot be what’s happening.

“It’s not good news, dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have re-edited the previous chapters. No major changes, it just flows better I think, if anyone cares :') Thank you for reading, I hope it's OK so far.


	6. Jealous

When it happens, L goes to shut down Watari’s computer and sits there in a ball with his head on his knees. The team keep a respectful distance.

It's not Kira, not if the death note rules are accurate regarding late stage diseases; there is no way Kira could have known Watari’s real name so long ago.

L thinks of calling Beyond, then feels a kick of stupidity because of course Beyond already knows, he has probably already mourned. If he even cared. L still doesn't know how much of what Beyond says and does is a performance.

Light seems to forget the incident in the coffee shop. His pity for L softens him. He lets himself into Watari's office without knocking, without saying anything, only pulls L’s legs away and rests their foreheads together, one arm coming to rest around him. L stiffens only slightly at the touch. He gets used to it. They don’t move, breathing and sitting like twins, until it eventually lulls L out of his trance. He pushes Light away and goes to bed.

Light follows him. He doesn't undress or get under the covers, doesn't touch him, just lies facing L a polite little distance away, and L is secretly, desperately grateful for it.

“I don’t despise you, you know.”

It takes L a minute to piece this conversation together from his memory.

“You’re unreasonable, unbearable sometimes, but I don’t despise you. I don’t know where you got that from.”

“It’s not polite to eavesdrop.”

“It’s not polite to have conversations about people behind their back.”

“It’s kind of customary when they’re a suspect.”

“Oh, really? Sounded rather on the personal side to me.”

L thinks about it. “You’re right.”

Light stiffens with surprise.

“It was very unprofessional. I’m sorry.”

L keeps his eyes downcast. He barely feels Light shift. His lips are on L's forehead and then they are gone. Light is lying on his back now like nothing has happened. Feeling the ghost of his mouth, L wonders if it actually has.

“Your friend doesn’t like me much,” Light muses. He always refers to Beyond as ‘your friend,’ like he knows an alias when he hears one.

“If you are Kira, if you are trying to kill me, it makes sense for him not to like you. Like you said, he’s my friend.” He feels sick at the words.

Light snorts. _“Friend.”_

“Meaning?” L is sharper than he means to be, but Light is undisturbed. He is probably playing him.

“Seems rather jealous, your friend.”

“He isn’t jealous of me, Light. Not everyone you meet falls immediately in love with you.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.”

“You’re being ridiculous.”

“Am I? Anyone can see we’re close, despite everything. I think it would explain his over-protectiveness of you.”

L sighs. Beyond is not protective, possessive, pehaps, it’s just that he barely bothers to disguise his disdain for Light. L will have to have a word with him about it.

Light sighs too and turns on his side again, softening. “At least it wasn’t Kira.”

L thinks of Watari, says nothing. _At least it wasn’t you, you mean._

“How’s the other case going?”

“Fine,” L answers, after a beat. He forgets what Light knows and what he doesn’t. He always refers to it as ‘the other case.’

“They haven’t found him yet?”

“No, but they’re close. I suspect I’ll be able to help once this is over.”

Light doesn’t answer him for a moment. "If there's anything I can do..." He gives L's arm a little squeeze.

L thinks he’s asleep when he speaks again.

“I thought I was your first friend.”

Light _is_ his first friend. Beyond will always be his attacker. But L can’t tell him this.

“I lied.”

* * *

 When he feels someone so close, his instincts kick in over his still sleeping brain, and he flinches up and away before either of them know what’s happening.

“Huh?” Light jumps with him, reaching for L automatically, feels how he’s breathing. “Hey, it’s OK. It’s me.”

It’s almost funny that Light has said this to be reassuring. And what’s even funnier is that it is reassuring.

“I’m sorry.” Light lets go of him, drawing away. “I shouldn’t have – got close. That was stupid of me. Are you all right?”

“Yes.” His heart is still going in the dark. He feels like a fool.

Light doesn’t move away, but he doesn’t lie back down. “Do you want me to go?”

“It’s nearly morning anyway.”

He feels Light shift and catches a glint of his watch. “It’s 4am.”

Light makes the decision for him. He lies down, not as close as before, but he rests the arch of his bare foot against L’s, quiet and careless as hand-holding, and it is as smooth and perfect as the rest of him.

L eases himself back down, ducks his head enough to rest against Light’s collar. He’s too tired to remember all the reasons why he shouldn’t.

* * *

 Near calls to tell him about the funeral. With his funny, stoic little ways, L has no idea if Near feels anything or not. He suspects he does.

Mello had meant to make the call but, according to Near, he is upset. L misses Mello.

When they’re done, he feels unusually shaky, and goes to the kitchen for cake, finds they're all out, realises he’ll have to change all their orders from Wammy’s card to his own. It’s too overwhelming to even think about.

To distract himself, he goes to the spare room where they keep their unprocessed deliveries, on the off chance there is a box of wafers or marshmallows waiting. If not, he will maybe ask Light if he wants to go out and get something. They hadn't spoken all day. L had woken up before the other man that morning, carefully disentangled himself and avoided him since.

He sees Light just as he thinks this, in the corridor, and halts like he’s seen an animal. Light is not alone. He is talking to Misa. He has his arms around her.

L ducks back before they can see him.

“I know,” Light is saying. “I know it’s hard. Just a little longer. This will all be over soon.”

He is so gentle, so sincere, stroking her hair with his hands. In his head, L sees him rolling his beautiful eyes over her shoulder. Then looking into hers with such sincerity, maybe putting their foreheads together. _If there’s anything I can do…_

Stupid.

L backs away from them. He has to be more careful. He has to stay away from Light and keep using his head. He has to…he has to see Beyond, to plan their next move. He’d been putting it off but, in his current state, it is the best attack he can think of.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not tagging Watari as a major character death (if he is one...?). I didn't want to spoil it.


	7. Mead

He doesn’t mean to fall sleep. Yes, he draws up his feet on the couch, and yes, his fingers course through the puppy’s fur even slower than before, but he has every intention of drinking the coffee Beyond has made for him and getting out of there.

“It’s OK, it’s OK,” Beyond soothes, when L jerks upright like he’s been shot.

The blanket he’s been covered with falls to the floor. The puppy has long left him and is in his basket in the corner. It’s dark. Beyond’s face is illuminated eerily only by his laptop screen, watching L from the other end of the sofa. He wisely doesn't move any closer.

“You’re OK. Relax.”

L goes to the window to get away from him. He doesn’t know what the surveillance team are doing. He told them to be relaxed, and they seem to have taken him at his word. He needs to be more careful. He can’t relax around either of them.

“What time is it?” he asks Beyond.

“Just after one.” Beyond pauses. “I told Soichiro you’re here, that you were sleeping. He wanted you to call him when you woke up.”

L texts instead, on the off chance that Soichiro is sleeping himself. He doesn’t relax until he gets a reply. Nothing important, the older man was just checking up on him. He tells him to take care of himself. L also has a message and two missed calls from Light, which he ignores.

Beyond puts his laptop away. “Do you want some cake?”

They eat slices of strawberry cake at either end of the couch, cross legged and facing each other. L hopes the sugar will revive him, like it always does, but it makes him even sleepier.

“Go back to sleep.” Beyond is smiling at him. “I’m not going to hurt you. You can have my bed, if you want. There’s a lock on my door.”

L shakes his head.

“I know.” Beyond gets up and goes to the kitchen, comes back with a dark bottle and two glasses.

“I’m not drinking, Beyond,” L snaps. “I’m trying to wake up.”

“L, you _have_ to try this,” he says, like they’re 12. “I’m telling you, it’s like honey in a bottle. You won’t believe it’s alcohol.”

“I have to drive,” he protests, but he wavers at the mention of honey.

Beyond pours him a miniscule amount. “Just try,” he begs. “You’ll hate yourself if you don’t.”

L tries, and gives an involuntary moan in his throat. “It is just like honey,” he says in wonder.

“I know, right?” Beyond is nodding and pouring him more. L puts a hand out to stop him. “It’s mead. The lady three houses down makes it. Can you believe it? She did it for her son’s graduation, and it became a thing from then. I met her walking Chacha.” He pours himself some. “What, do you still think I'll hurt you? I’ll drink more than you if it’ll make you feel better. This stuff is too good to share, anyway.” He takes a generous gulp.

L takes a more cautious sip. It really is divine. “What’s the alcohol content?”

“I don’t know, like 40%?” he giggles. “She doesn’t put that on the label.”

L ends up finishing the glass and lets Beyond pour him another, letting Beyond get two ahead of him, reasoning that he can hardly harm him if L has the advantage. Still, L is beginning to feel it.

They take the remainder outside, airing their warm skin, the grass lush and wet under their bare feet. The air beats with the sound of crickets. The puppy follows them sleepily, a fluffy zombie, out to the wooden deckchairs and flops between them.

“I need to get a lawn mower,” Beyond observes.

L is staring at the stars, not listening. “You have a really nice house,” he tells him, loosening with drink.

Beyond giggles in the dark. “You’re drunk, L, go home.”

“I’m not. I wouldn’t dare.”

“You’re not still scared of me?” He says it like they’re kids again. “Come on, Lawli.”

“You’re mentally ill.”

“Be nice,” he says idly, unoffended. “When Chacha grows up, I’ll have him attack you for insulting me.”

“I’m pretty sure Chacha’s a shih tzu. They don’t get much bigger than your ankles.”

“Really?” He sits up to look at Chacha, tilting his head. “I’m going to look so gay when I walk him.”

“You are gay, aren’t you?”

“So? I don’t believe in stereotypes.”

L actually laughs then. His stomach loosens pleasantly, unfamiliar with the sensation. The world tips and sways pleasantly.

Beyond lies back down and puts his hand behind his head. “Do you remember that time Wammy took us to Madame Tussauds in London?”

“The chocolate fountains,” L says at once, picturing the strawberries and marshmallows, the creamy flow.

“And you said if you got rich enough, you’d buy one for the Wammy House.”

L smiles at the memory. “Whenever I bring it up, Roger says somewhere needs decorating instead.”

“I used to love those day trips to London.”

“Me too. Remember those puppies in Harrods? And they let us hold one?”

“And those cakes in the V and A.”

“The aquarium.”

“The eye.”

“The street puppets.”

“The time A went missing in that bookshop.”

“Oh, yeah.” L laughs again, remembering. “He’d nearly finished the book by the time we found him, and then he cried because Wammy wouldn’t buy it for him.”

“Yeah. Only he did buy it for him, didn’t he?”

“I don’t know. Maybe A went back and bought it himself. I remember him having it.”

“Yeah.”

They lie in silence for a little while. The puppy sighs between them.

“We didn’t have as many good memories as we could have,” L observes. “The kids at Wammy’s have a lot of holidays and trips now. It’s nice.”

“We didn’t have any money,” Beyond points out. “You don’t go into… orphandom for the profit. Wammy probably didn’t have much even with his inventions. I remember when you got older and he started taking you places, that’s when we got money. That’s when everything started changing.”

L absorbs this in silence. “Is that when A…?”

“I don’t know,” he admits. He rolls over to face L and puts his head on his elbow. L wonders, distantly, if his Shinigami eyes can see in the dark. “We were never close. I couldn’t stand him, to be honest, because he was better than me. I think he knew.”

“There are two kids like that now,” L says, picturing the blondes. “It worries me. I’m supposed to choose between them. Who gets my title, the prime inheritance.”

Beyond snorts. “You should just divide everything amongst them equally. Let your title die with you.”

 “Or let the title become W, for Wammy’s,” he muses out loud. “Then anyone can use it, dip in and out as they please. There’s no…pressure.”

“Mmm.”

They fall silent again. L sits up for another sip of his drink, even though he still feels it in his blood. Beyond seems to have finished his. L can feel his eyes on him.

“Does Yagami know these things?”

“Mm?” L tries to make out his eyes. The dark seems thicker out here in the suburbs, away from the city lights. “Know these things about me, you mean? Of course not.”

“Do you want him to?”

“I can’t think like that, not in these circumstances.”

“That’s as good as yes,” he murmurs. “Pity, isn’t it?”

L thinks about Light. “He doesn’t like you much. What do you think of him?”

“Spoilt brat,” Beyond snorts at once. “You can do better. Quite like the girlfriend, though.”

“Misa Misa? Isn’t she more of a spoilt brat?”

“Slightly. But, I’ve always had a sympathy for the neglected.” He swings his legs to the side of the deckchair and sits, so they are face to face. “Yagami doesn’t like me?”

“He says you’re jealous.”

He laughs, soft and humourless. “Perhaps I am.”

L hears him move on his chair, but he doesn’t realise how close he is until he feels lips warming his own. It takes L a moment to realise what’s happening.

Then he pulls back as if L has struck him. “Sorry.”

L stares at him in the dark. He’s surprisingly unafraid. “It’s OK,” he says, but Beyond doesn’t seem to hear him. He stands, a little off balance, and scoops the puppy up from the grass.

L finds their glasses, and follows him into the house.

Beyond rests the puppy back in his basket, who sinks in without opening his eyes. L puts the glasses in the sink. His heart is hammering. The alcohol in him is suddenly unsettling.

“Where’s your surveillance?” Beyond drawls from behind him, without looking round. “Was that a bluff? I could have killed you out there. I could kill you now.”

L says nothing. He moves away from him, back to the couch, and folds the discarded blanket on it.

Beyond sighs. He gets to his feet and comes to him. “Look, if you want- “

L kisses him then, unthinking, catches his arms to keep him from coming nearer.

He is afraid, but curiosity, and mead, have made him brave. He doesn't care if this is part of Beyond's strategy or not. He is worn out. He just wants to be close.

If only Beyond had been his friend from the start. If only Light wouldn’t lie to him at every second sentence, and L could be with him instead.

Beyond groans and pushes L back against the wall, breathing hard, and L gets a sick sense of déjà vu when he looks in his eyes. Their feet touch, cold and wet from the grass.

Then Beyond remembers and shakes his head, pulls off. “L. Lawli. I’m sorry. I - “

“It’s OK," L cuts him off, because suddenly it is. He pulls Beyond back by the shirt and holds on. “Just don’t – don’t – “

And he can’t finish because Beyond is on him again, biting his neck, and he was going to say, don’t hurt me, but he can’t quite bring himself to, because now he’s thinking maybe he wants Beyond to hurt him, maybe it will make him feel better.

He's still afraid when Beyond touches him, but it’s different this time, it’s better, it's rough then gentle, then rough again, it's _good_ , and L's head goes back as he realises _this_ is what people do, he gets it now, he gets why other people are so important.

It is only a tiny, distant part of him that wishes it could have been Light instead.


	8. Ryuk

L doesn't want to think about what he's done. He gets back to the HQ in a haze, breezing past all of them to hop on his desk chair, wake up his computer, like he spends nights away from the HQ all the time. 

Light is pissed, he can tell, but his features neatly arrange themselves into the sympathetic friend. He has the nerve to ask, with only a slight edge,

“Where you with your friend last night?”

L doesn’t look up. “No.”

There is no point in lying when Light knows he is, but that never stops Light from lying to him.

“If you need to take some time for the funeral...” Soichiro tells him, and L doesn’t even stop typing.

“Can’t,” is all he says. “It’s in England. It’s already been arranged.”

He senses Light soften at this. He opens his mouth, as if to argue, then thinks better of it.

He stays at L’s side all day.

L stays in the HQ with him, and doesn’t talk to Beyond for some time.

* * *

 When Light ducks out for some fresh air, when L is getting back to his old self and is becoming too much for him, he’s as far as he dares get from the HQ when Beyond comes sailing from nowhere. He smiles straight at Ryuk, teeth and eyes shining. “Hello.”

Both Light and Ryuk freeze. Then Light says, “Who are you talking to?”

Beyond takes no notice of him. He looks steadily at Ryuk, who shrugs and says, “Hey.”

Light resists every fibre of his being that wants to flinch.

“What’s your name?” Beyond says conversationally. “I’ve never met a Shinigami before.”

“Ryuk. Who gave you their eyes?”

“Oh, I was born with them,” he laughs.

Ryuk’s eyes widened. “Seriously? I’ve never heard of that. How did that happen, your parents do something?”

“Maybe,” Beyond says, a little too brightly. “I wouldn’t know. They died when I was very young.” He turns to Light sympathetically, who is staring at him like he is insane. “It’s OK, Yagami. I already knew you were Kira. I just wanted to meet your Shinigami. I’ve never met one before.” He smiles at Ryuk again. “Apple?” He produces one from his pocket and throws it to him before Ryuk can answer.

Light’s lip curls. “You’re crazy,” he says. He turns to go back inside.

Beyond continues talking to Ryuk. “So why aren’t you telling Light L’s name? Are you Team L, too?”

“Hey, I’m just enjoying the show,” Ryuk shrugs, finishing the apple. “I’m impartial.”

Beyond laughs. “Sounds good to me. It’s a hell of a show.”

“You do realise,” Light turns back to spit at him. “That I’m going to tell L that the specialist he’s hired is a nutcase?”

“I’ve already told L about your Shinigami,” Beyond tells him.

Light just grits his teeth.

Beyond smiles at him condescendingly. “Listen, Yagami-kun, I know who you are.”

“I know who you are, too,” he says, with contempt, and without skipping a beat. He smirks when the other man’s grin wavers. “Beyond Birthday. Do you think I’m stupid?”

Beyond falters, and Light savours it, stands there smirking at him.

The other checks behind himself, looking torn. Then his eyes narrow and his tone changes completely. “Fine."

Light’s smirk wavers.

He laughs. "You got me. I'm getting close to L to break him. And it's working, he's falling for it. He's falling for _me_." His eyes darken with contempt. “Do you really know who I am? I lived my whole life around L. I grew up with him. I loved him, and he never did a thing for me. He’s nothing.”

Light takes a step back at his tone.

Beyond glances back at the HQ, sees no-one and relaxes. He smiles at Light like a snake.

“You can’t imagine the things I want to do to him.” He holds Light's gaze. “He’s a hard man to bring down, so I sympathise with you completely. I don’t care if you send me with him or not. So let's cut the crap. Do you want to know what his name is?” He smiles again, waiting. He can tell Light is afraid of him.

At first, he appears too stunned to speak. Perhaps he is unable to believe his luck. Then his eyes harden. “I don’t care,” he says steadily. “What his name is.”

Beyond’s eyes almost flare back at him. “No? He is winning, you know. I’m saving you.”

“You should think about saving yourself,” Light snaps. He takes another step back, as if Beyond’s very presence disgusts him. “You’re pathetic. _You’re_ nothing. I don’t know what possessed L to bring you here. We don’t need you.”

“Listen to me, you idiot,” Beyond snaps. He is furious. “He doesn't care about you. Where do you think he goes when he's not here? I'm trying to help you. This is your chance. I want him to _lose.”_

Light takes no notice; he is already storming away, shadowed by Ryuk.

Beyond glares at them until they are gone.


	9. Misa

Beyond tuts in annoyance, turning to go himself, and gasps as he almost smacks into L.

“Jesus,” he says, recovering. “You should be a ninja.”

L is staring after Light as if he could still see him. “That was interesting.”

“Wasn’t it? The Shinigami is useless, though.”

“You were a bit too theatrical,” L says, like he hasn’t heard him. “All that I-loved-him stuff. It was bit over the top.”

“I was improvising,” he huffs. “And that was fine. It was the he’s-falling-for- _me_ part that got him. You didn’t see his face. I shouldn’t have pissed him off like that. I should have played to his ego more.”

L looks at him, worried. “You know I’m not falling for you, right?”

“Yes.” He rolls his eyes. “Was I that convincing?”

“It did freak me out a little, yes.”

“Oh, Lawli.” Beyond ruffles his hair.

L steps out of the way. “What were you trying to do, exactly?”

“I was trying to buy some time and get him to not kill me. How the hell does he know who I am?”

“He could have overheard one of the others,” L is looking thoughtful. “Though I can’t imagine them being careless enough to discuss it. Perhaps Misa has been lurking somewhere and saw you. Maybe he did some research on you from when you were in the papers. We should have disguised you better. I’m sorry.”

 “So that’s it, I’m going to die?” he says it with contempt, as if it is the biggest inconvenience. “And what do you mean, maybe Misa was lurking? Let’s get you out of here, then.”

“We should carry masks,” L says thoughtfully, as Beyond drags him along. Then he digs his heels in the ground. “I have to go after him. I have to call him. He could already be on the phone to Misa.”

“Don’t be stupid, L. What are you going to say? Please don’t kill Beyond, Light, because we kissed and made up and I actually quite like him now? He’ll probably have me writhing in agony.”

“But we- “

“It’s too late, L. Even if you’ve got him in there, you can’t stop Amane.”

He doesn’t protest as Beyond pushes him into the BMW, and surrenders the keys when Beyond holds out his hand.

“I’m sorry, Beyond.”

Beyond doesn’t say anything.

Back in the house, he scrubs the make up off his scars in a manner almost painful to watch. Then he digs in the fridge for jam and eats it crouched on the floor with his fingers, as if it were Light’s blood. “Fuck being normal. I’ll be dead soon.”

L watches him, chewing his thumb. He has not taken it out of his mouth since they left the HQ.

Chacha jumps up at Beyond, sniffing at the jar hopefully, but he takes no notice of him.

“The deaths have stalled recently.” L tastes blood as he bites too hard, keeps nibbling anyway. “Since both notes have been in our custody. Perhaps they’ve run out of scrap pages.”

“Or they’ve scheduled deaths for months ahead,” Beyond finishes with contempt, licking jam off the lid.

“He might not kill you. He may think that'll raise suspicion. He only knows you're a murderer. He doesn't know-”

" _Only,"_ Beyond sneers. “He _will,_ L. He’ll just put it off. But maybe it’s a good thing.”

L stops nibbling his thumb to stare at him.

“I was getting scared, to be honest.” He tosses the empty jar in the trash and starts in on another one. “For when it’s over, going back inside. And even if you somehow decide to let me stay free, what the hell am I going to do when you’re gone? All I’ve ever known is Wammy’s, and then jail. I don’t know how to live. All I know is how to be you, and I couldn’t even get that right.”

“Beyond.” L puts his hand on his wrist to stop him eating. “You’ve got a brain. You’ve got a house and resources from Wammy’s that will give you lots of options for work. Languages is just one of them. You can _talk_ to people. You can do anything you want. And anyway,” he steels himself. “Just because the case is over soon, it doesn’t mean I’ll be gone.”

Beyond stares at him. “You can’t mean that,” he says. “Not after what I’ve done.”

“I don’t know,” L lets go of him and looks away. “I think you should be back in jail. But then I think of you here, working and having neighbours, having a dog, being normal, and I think of A and how it could have been, and Near and Mello, and - “

“OK,” Beyond cuts him off. “OK, let’s not get maudlin. I’m probably not going to be around long enough for grand plans, anyway.”

L bites his thumb. “It’s my fault.”

Beyond sighs.

“I should have been more careful.”

He pulls L’s hand away from his mouth. “It’s not your fault.” He keeps hold of his hand. “You can’t save everyone. We knew this was on the cards.”

Beyond replaces the lid on the jam and puts it back in the fridge, finally picking up the dog, who squirms with delight.

“Let’s make smaller plans,” he says. “I should really have you send me to Disneyworld for my last few months or so, but I might as well make myself useful while I’m still here. Why don’t we talk about Misa Amane?”


	10. End

Beyond kicks him out when he tries to stay the night.

“We both know how this is going to go down. There's no point in getting close to me." He pushes L off him. "Think of me as your rapist, the serial killer. It'll make it easier."

"B - "

"And try and find out how long I've got, somehow. I'll go to Misa now, but there's no point in spying if I'm going to be dead before I can report anything. Like you said, the deaths have been stalling. It'll be weeks, at least, before the next one. Also, it'd be good if I had some time to find someone for Chacha."

"Beyond - "

Beyond pushes him towards the door.

"Get _out_ , L."

* * *

He makes the decision to burn the notes, and they all support it despite their initial protests. Thinking of Beyond, Beyond playing with the dog, Beyond singing in the kitchen whilst slicing cake for them, L can't bear to have the thing in existence anymore.

Light is nonplussed, as L knew he would be, but there is something else off about him. He is angry, righteous. He has done something. Something has recently got to him. It could be his encounter with Beyond last night, but he would be over the shock by now, would mask it better.

After what L feels will be their final meeting, their final important one, anyway, he takes Light up on the roof, away from the cameras, and just looks at him.

Light puts his hands in his pockets, leans on the door, and waits him out.

L sighs and mimics him. “I don’t have any hidden microphone on me, and there’s nobody watching.”

Light rolls his eyes. “I’m not confessing, L, you’re wasting your time.”

“Do you believe me?”

“I don’t care.”

“There’s nothing you want to say to me before we do this, nothing at all? Just between us?” He keeps looking at Light and waits.

“Why didn’t you tell me who he is?”

L’s eyes widen. He wasn’t expecting this. He answers steadily, “You know who he is. He told me what happened last night.”

“That’s not what I mean. Why didn’t you tell me it was him, it was Beyond Birthday, who that did that to you?” He lifts his head to look L in the eye. “Why did you tell everyone else that Beyond Birthday did that to you but not tell me?”

L sinks in on himself. So that's what Light has done. He could maybe let Beyond’s crimes slide as a murderer, for a while, but not as L’s attacker. He wonders how Light figured it out. He’d been awake all night clinging to the tiny, tiny hope that Light hadn’t had a chance to contact Misa, that they’d just burn the notes and it would be done. But of course, Light will have given her his orders as soon as he heard who L's attacker was. He should have burnt them the minute Beyond told him he could.

“I thought he was your friend,” Light says now, in disgust. “What were you thinking, bringing him here?”

“I wanted to end it,” L snaps, before he can stop himself. He takes a breath before continuing, drawls on. “Don’t you get it, Light? Writing those fake rules was the stupidest thing you could have done. You should be glad Beyond told us they were fake, because burning the notes is the only hope you’ve got. And I want to do it. I don’t want to win. I just want it to be over. That’s why I brought Beyond here. I got so desperate, I would do anything to end it all faster. Are you happy now?”

Light is glaring at him. “I don’t know how many times I have to tell you, I’m not- “

 “When this is over,” L cuts him off, as blandly as he is able. “When we burn the death notes and you’re free, I’m never speaking to you again. I don’t know how you feel about that. I have no idea what was real in all of your stories, but I was hoping we could be friends. I was hoping we could work together, despite everything.”

“L- “

“So tell the truth right now or we’re done.”

“L,” he snaps again. “You can’t force a confession out of me to convict me.”

“I don’t want to convict you. I told you. You just have to tell me when Beyond’s going to die, because I’m the one who has to take care of it, because I’m the only one left.” He has to turn away.

“I thought he was blackmailing you.” Light says it so quietly, L almost thinks he misheard him. “I could see you were uncomfortable with him. And then when I realised he was the one who did that to you, and that he wasn’t even in jail…You didn’t even have Watari to look out for you. What was I supposed to do?”

“You were trying to kill me,” L says, with contempt. “And your logic is that you couldn’t let someone else do it for you?”

“I thought he was _hurting_ you,” Light snaps. “We didn’t need him here. You didn’t need his help and neither did I. You should never have brought him. And I couldn’t kill you. I couldn’t. That’s why we’re here.”

“We’re here because you’ve lost, Kira.”

Light shakes his head, ignoring the name. “I thought you were getting hurt.”

“He was my friend.”

“ _Friend_ ,” he repeats in disgust. “What’s wrong with you? Have you not heard of Stockholm Syndrome?"

“You don’t understand,” L sits on the floor to draw up his legs, hugs them. “Don’t you see? This is why you can’t have the death note, why no-one can. It’s not as simple as that. It never is.”

Light doesn’t seem to be listening. He is pacing above L. “Another thing,” he says, and L looks up at him dully.  “About my planning on killing you. I wasn’t going to tell you, but as it’s all out in the open now, you’re probably recording every word, I may as well.”

L opens his mouth to argue, but Light ploughs on.

“After our little run in at the coffee shop, I looked up male British tennis champions in the past ten years. Lawli is an unusual nickname, after all, and L. Lawliet was the only name that fit. I assume it was spelt right, but I don’t know for sure, because _I never wrote it.”_

L says nothing. He is staring at his feet. He has lost. He has not only lost Watari and countless others, but he has lost completely.

Light seems to be waiting for a response. He kneels opposite L on the ground and picks his face up, cupping his hands around him. “Did you hear me? I could have killed you all this time and I didn’t.”

“Yes.” L leans back. Light lets his hands fall away.

“Well?” Light’s voice hitches.

“Can you write everything down?”

“What?” He stares at him. “You want a written confession?”

“No,” he says, and means it. “For when we burn them and you lose your memories. Just for yourself. And for me. I won’t be able to talk to you if you think I was torturing you all this time for nothing.”

Light stares at him. “That’s it?”

L says nothing. He is thinking about Beyond. It doesn’t hurt the way Naomi’s death had, let alone Watari’s, but it grips harder than he expected. It hadn’t sunk in until now that Beyond was going to die. L hadn’t been comfortable around him, hadn’t even liked him that much, but wonders if he could have got past that. Been his friend. He suspects he could have, given time.

 “I didn’t kill Watari,” Light blurts. “I don’t know how to prove it, but I didn’t. Misa never saw him, either. I don’t know his real name.”

“You know it was late stage cancer,” L drones. “Unless you figured out his name a long time ago, which I doubt, you couldn’t have killed him like that.”

“That’s right.” His hand covers L’s.

L takes his hand away. “If you or Misa have any scrap pages, please burn those too.”

“Did you mean what you said?”

L looks at him. “Did you?”

He frowns. “Which part?”

“I don’t know. Everything and anything you’ve ever said, ever? Did you mean any of it?”

“L,” he sighs.

“How did you find out?”

It takes Light a moment to get his meaning. “I’ve been hacking into the files on Beyond Birthday every day. I knew something was up when his name was in the paper as a heart attack I hadn't written. Then my Father updated them this morning with what he did to you. How his arrest was suspended so he can help.  I felt stupid for not realising.”

L closes his eyes. Of course, with the notes being burnt, with the murders dwindling, of course Soichiro was going to update the files. He is meticulous like that. L should have known. Beyond is going to die because of his stupidity. “Tell me when.”

“Why do you care about him so much?”

L doesn’t look up. Why does he? Because Beyond is his only friend left? Because he makes L feel accepted as a freak? Or had L really just felt guilty all along for the state Beyond was in, for A, for all of it?

Light sighs, takes out his phone. “I’ll call Misa back. I only just told her to do it.”

Of course he had.

L listens, dully, to his end of the conversation, and Light can’t quite meet his eyes when he hangs up.

“I’m sorry, L,” he says, like L knew he would. “I was upset when I told her to do it. I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t tell her to set a later date. She just wrote it.”

L’s mouth curls. Beyond is dead because he was stupid, and because Light was upset.

Light holds out a hand to him. “I’m sorry,” he says again.

He feels sick. All along he was with Beyond wishing it were Light, not trusting him, and it should have been the other way round. What's worse is that he still feels the same, it's still Light he wants. Getting to burn the death notes is his consolation prize.

Light pulls him into a hug, and L lets him. He is too numb to care.


	11. Beyond Birthday

The case has ended, even if it is technically still open. Of course, no-one but L and Light know the case is over; the HQ are still alert for other notes, for killings from the scrap pages, but L believes Light when he tells him he had Misa burn them. There are no deaths after Beyond Birthday. It’s not much to go on, the words of Light Yagami, but sometimes he has to trust his hunches.

Light wrote everything down like L asked him to. After they burn the notes, after he reads them, he comes to L with his eyes dark and scared.

“Rip it up now,” L says, nodding at the pages. “Unless you’ve changed your mind about confessing.”

Light tears them up. His hands are shaking. “You’re really letting the case go?”

“What can I do? It’s over, that’s the most important thing. And I’ve technically won, even if I don’t get to glorify it. But I’m used to that.”

“You must hate me.”

L thinks about it. “It could have been worse."

“Are you going to…?”

L looks at him. His eyes are still wide, fearful. “Cut you off? No. I don’t think I will. I don’t think I can.”

Light relaxes slightly. “Thank you.” He sits beside L and leans on his shoulder.

L lets him, but his voice hardens. “You don’t have to do this, you know. Be close to me. I’m not going to convict you for not liking me.”

“I like you.”

“And you can’t lie to me again.”

“I won’t.”

L lets his head rest against Light’s, just slightly. It's a start.

* * *

 He forces himself to go to the house for the puppy’s sake.

Beyond had been friendly with the neighbours, but he probably hasn’t been there long enough for them to stop by unannounced, even if the dog was barking 24/7 because it was starving. The surveillance team had been called off since Beyond threw him out of the house, since they knew they'd have to up their game.

He'd hoped Beyond would die. Even later, even in bed with him, a little voice in his head would whisper that Beyond could join Kira to destroy him in the worst way imaginable. It doesn't seem likely now.

Misora, Watari, Beyond. He has no-one left in the world but Light, the one who took most of them away.

Beyond's house really is beautiful. He was lucky to have grown up here, before Wammy’s. L didn’t have anything before Wammy’s, not even memories.

He gets out of the car, and he can’t hear the puppy crying. It is so young, it probably doesn’t understand. It is probably asleep on Beyond’s head. Presuming he's in there. He obviously hasn't been found by Misa Amane. He could be anywhere.

What is L going to do with the puppy? He can’t travel with it. Perhaps he can somehow get it to Wammy’s house. He would have to really worm his way around Roger, but it would be worth it; the kids would love him.

He is still figuring out how to break into the house, when the door opens by itself, and Beyond is standing there with his mouth twisted in sympathy, patronising, at the look on L's face.

“Took you long enough.”

He holds up a scrap piece of paper.

_Beyond Birthday._

_Dies peacefully of old age._

The second line is in a different, hastily scribbled script.

“Misa Misa is an idiot,” Beyond comments, and grunts a little as L knocks him back in a hug, ignoring the dog. “Ah, Lawli, I didn’t know you cared.”

L buries his head in his shoulder.

B hangs on to him, kicking the door shut behind them.

“Can it work like that?”

“We’ll see, won’t we? I did it in plenty of time.” He pushes L back gently and takes him into the house. “Are you losing your touch? I knew you thought I was dead when you stopped calling, but I’m surprised you didn’t click on. You know I was spying on her. It was harder when she was out and about, at work, but she was at home when her darling Light called. Her house is surprisingly easy to break into, considering her status. So I fixed this when she went to answer the phone, swapped it with another scrap piece of paper saying my name, just the way she’d written it. I don’t think I got the handwriting quite right, but she doesn’t seem to have noticed. I got lucky. Her shinigami didn't stop me. I think they all like me.”

“You’re unbelievable,” L says. “You were in her _house_? We didn’t agree to that.”

“She was my murder weapon, Lawli, what did you expect me to do? I didn’t let her out of my sight. I wonder why Yagami waited so long to give the order?”

He tells Beyond, briefly, what has happened.

“Ah,” is all he says. “You took your time getting here, then. Poor Chacha would have starved.”

“Why didn’t you call?” L snaps. “You knew I thought you were dead.”

“Well, to be honest,” he grins slightly. “I was sort of enjoying it. I fooled you, L. _You_. And I got away with sort of faking my death a second time. I wanted to see your face. I wanted to see how you’d react. Don’t be mad,” he says quickly. “I’m alive, and you’ve had a death note bonfire. We should be celebrating!”

He gets some strawberries out of the fridge and opens a tin of condensed milk.

“I’m out of cake,” he explains.

L almost laughs, wonders for a moment if he might not love him after all. “You’re a bastard,” L tells him. “After everything you’ve done. You should have called me.”

“ _You’re_ a bastard,” Beyond retorts. “You want Light instead of me.”

L stiffens.

Beyond smiles fondly. “I’m joking, Lawli. I love you, but I think we’re just acting out our fantasies with each other. Yagami’s sharp. I can see why you care about him. I’d still say you can do better, but,” he shrugs. “Maybe he’ll be slightly less of a dick now, considering.”

"But can it really work like that?" L persists.

"Well, it seems to," he says. "It was days ago, nothing happened. She really did burn the notes after he told her to, I saw it. Then I came home. Waited for you." He grins again. Then shakes his head as L drains the tin before Beyond can touch it, out of spite. “Do you have any idea how hard it was to eat like you without gaining weight? Why do you think I mostly stuck to jam?”

“No-one was forcing you,” L says, wiping his mouth off. He makes a mental note to get to a western supermarket for condensed milk.

Beyond is watching him. “So, what now?”

“I’m putting you back under surveillance,” he says. He tries to snap, but the relief has softened him. He wants to hug Beyond at the same time as he wants to hit him. “I know I shouldn't. You can work with me on some cases, if you want to.”

“Love to,” he says. “Thanks. Is it the same for Yagami?”

“I’m not arresting him, no."

“You should have asked him to leave his girlfriend.”

“I think that’s a given.”

“It better be.” He muses. “Maybe we should break them up. I like Misa Misa.”

“I don’t think it’ll be as simple as that.”

“No,” he agrees. “But it’d be nice, wouldn’t it?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first big-fic! I know it wasn't perfect, but I hope it was realistic enough. I had fun with it. Please let me know what you think, and thanks for reading :)


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